Cherney’s Blog

Never had so many keys been presented to me.  I have the opportunity of a lifetime, and I need to make sure that I take advantage of it.

This week I finally, and honestly, came to the conclusion that I don’t need to get a different car.  As much as I don’t like the thing I am driving, it just doesn’t make any sense.  I have said this to myself time and time again, but this time it is different.  I finally understand the trade off between getting something different and not.  Aside from pride, there is really no reason to get something else.  The car operates fine, it just brings back memories that I sometimes don’t want to think about.  If I were to purchase some other car, I would almost become a slave to it.  It seems that sometimes we work and work and work, only to pay for a lifestyle.  We need our jobs to pay for those things, thus become a slave to our things.  I don’t want to become a slave to things again.  That isn’t the way to live a life, at least not my life.  I find more value in relationships not in stuff.

Spending time with friends, sharing stories, laughing, enjoying the moment; these are some of the things that I value.

Continuing with the keys analogy.  In the past, I have always looked (and took) the ‘light’ keys.  These keys are easy to take, and they open the easy door.  When you take one of these keys, it will open a doors to new things in life. . . but at the same time it closes other doors.  My getting a different car would be one of these ‘light’ keys, it opens a new door. . but buy buying it, it closes many other doors.  Basically, you have a pretty good idea of what you are going to get when you use a ‘light’ key.

There are ‘dark’ keys as well.  These keys are harder to reach, and they allow you to open those difficult doors in life.  Unlike the ‘light’ keys, when you look through a ‘dark’ door you don’t know what is on the other side.  Only when you walk through do you know what you are going to find, there is also no turning around.  Like a ‘light’ door, when you walk through a ‘dark’ door other doors close, however there is a difference.  On the other side of a dark door, you might find something very rewarding.   You might also find that once you walk through that door all the other doors are still open.

Does that make any sense?

I am at a crossroads in my life.  I can go left, I can go right, I can go up or down, I can go forward.  There is one path I will not take, and that is the path behind me.

I don’t know if I have ever wanted to look at these ‘dark’ doors.  I have always liked knowing what’s next.  You loose a little bit of control when you don’t know what on the other side.  It is scary.  But here is the thing.  I believe that through this anxiety there can major gains.  You can find those meaningful pieces of life.  You can find peace, happiness, and yourself.

Going through ‘dark’ doors allows a person to learn who they are as an individual.  I believe that I am a good person, I believe that I have good qualities.  I would like to think I know myself pretty well.  But there are things about myself that I don’t know, as I have always been afraid to pursue the answers to these questions.

In a lot of ways, I am afraid of all that I can accomplish. That sounds odd, right?  What would happen if I set out to do something, and I succeed?

What happens when you are successful at something?  What do you do then?  You can’t walk away, you can’t ignore it.  I know that I have been afraid to apply myself to many things in life.  It is so much easier to walk the safe line, as I know where it is going to take me.  I used to think that it was okay to just do enough to make it through the day.  Living like this makes you numb after awhile.

I, in almost every way, have been given the opportunity to start over.  And I am doing things differently.  I am applying myself, my heart, to everything in my life.  It feels really good to care, to love, to enjoying life.

Kind of off topic, but I have been surprised by many of the feelings I have been experiencing.  I have learned what love really is.  I have begin to figure out what giving really means.  I also started to understand what it means to enjoy life.  There is no doubt in my mind that adversity can mold a person into something better.

I am so grateful for having such a wonderful family.  I am very lucky to have such amazing friends.  I am very fortunate to be able to continue my education.

Never had so many keys been presented to me.

Is it possible to have to an evening you will never forget?

Last night was one of those nights.

Finally, after a few weeks of waiting. .  I watched the ‘bucket list’.  I was surprised not only by the ending, but the message it gave to the viewers.  I don’t know the last time I cried with a movie; I did last night.  It was a good cry, it was a sad cry, it was an emotional cry.  I could relate to the characters in the film, I felt as if they were my friends.  I was very happy that they were able to do some of the things that they did.  The two men enabled each other in different ways, yet they were on the same journey.

I don’t want to go through life looking back and asking, what if?  What if I did this, what if I said that.  . . Why, what’s the point?  You just need to follow your dreams; don’t let anyone hold you back.  If there is something you need to do, or want to do. . .  you should do it.  There can be no better feeling than giving someone the opportunity to experience a dream.

There are people in this world who deserve to enjoy a dream.  They deserve so much.  My mom is one of those people, my sister is one of those people.  If you are reading my blog, you have a good heart.  You also deserve to enjoy a dream.

In my opinion, giving jewelry or other nice things is one thing; giving an experience, or a memory, is completely different.  Items, like material gifts, will become tarnished, lost, or broken over time. .  basically, they will never be the same as the days pass.  Now, let’s talk about memories.  They are something completely different.  They are something that will never get old, they will never be lost, they will never break.  Memories will be with you forever. They are part of our life, they can define who we are.  I want to be remembered as a positive person, a person who gave, a person who helped those who couldn’t get help.  When I leave this world, I want to make sure that those around me will always remember the kindness in my heart.

Sometimes I say, “I don’t care what people think of me.”  This may be very true, but it isn’t completely honest.  I do care what people think of me.   I want to be remembered in a good light, not in a bad one.

Besides crying my head off to the movie, the rest of my evening was very splendid.  I enjoyed some sushi (I am finding that I really enjoy it), and a little to much wine.

There is so much more I want to write, so much more I want to say .. .  but I can’t.   I need to get going with my day.

There was another pretty sunrise this morning, and it is expected to very hot.  I need head out for my run, hit up the grocery store, clean up my place, and enjoy this wonderful life.

Enjoy the day.  WE all deserve it.

I just checked my messages at work.  Yes, I know it is 8:45 at night. . . but that’s beside the point.  The point is that I checked them.  I didn’t do that today, though I know I should have.  Guess how many people left there little voice behind?

I had 27 different messages!  That was the story of my day at work, I was a little overwhelmed.  The highlight of my day was when I was working on a laptop, writing an email, talking to someone in person, had a person waiting at my desk, and my cell phone as well as my work line started to ring.  How do you deal with all that?  I don’t remember what I did. .  I think I answered a phone call and smiled at everyone else.  It was very busy today. .  I look forward to tomorrow, as it shouldn’t be nearly as busy.    Now, don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy being popular, I just think a steady stream of people is better.

The old me would have started to get grumpy, today was very different.  I was laughing.   I laughed through most of the day.  Things are much easier to deal with when you approach them with a positive attitude.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I am so looking forward to it.  It will actually feel like a Friday.  Why?  I had a pretty long week at work, and I have some fun plans scheduled with a friend.  What’s better than that, right?

Today I took another friend out to lunch.  I was going to treat him to a meal, as I wanted to say thanks for being there for me.  We got to the restaurant ordered our food, and got in line to pay.  I pulled out my discover card, and learned that they didn’t take it.  So, I pulled out my american express. . only to get the same result.  I looked at her, and said. . are you serious?  I rummaged through my cash and only found 5 bucks.  At this point I knew I should have taken a twenty from the house.  I looked at it this morning, and said. .  no. . I don’t need that.  Also, I think I will have start carrying my visa card. . as much as I don’t want to; it would probably be best.

Anywho, I looked over at my friend and asked,  “Do you have a visa card, or cash on you?”  So, he ended up buying ME lunch.  I was suppose to be treating him!  We had a good laugh. . now I owe him lunch for this lunch. . plus the lunch for saying thanks.   : )

I have been listening to a great deal of the Eagles recently.  I have found that their music is pretty mellow, and allows me to think and reflect on my day.  I am listening to them right now, actually.  I wish I could sing along with all the passion in my voice. . Something tells me that I don’t think my neighbors would appreciate it very much.  One of the few nice things about driving. .  you can sing as loud as you want and you don’t disturb anyone.  I like to say that I am the best singer my car has ever heard. : )

Another day done. . another big smile on my face.  What’s better than that?

I had a really special phone call last night, my friend from Australia gave me a ring.  It was really nice hearing his voice, it was also really nice hearing his accent again.  It was really weird, the first few words he said I had a hard time understanding.  Once I got used to hearing it again, I didn’t notice the accent anymore. .  I suppose a little, but not really.. you know?

Anywho, we talked for about a half an hour. .  It sounds like things are going really well for him.  He is starting new job on Monday, so he is enjoying a nice little 4 day vacation.  We started to talk about vacation time for most jobs and he said that it isn’t uncommon to get 4 weeks of paid holiday; he gets 6 weeks a year.  6 weeks!  Can you imagine?  At his last job he got 5 weeks.  I could get to used to that.

In a lot of ways, I think the priorities of many Americans is wrong.  It seems like in this country people live to work, while other cultures in this world work so they can live.  I suppose that is one of the nice things about my current job.  I am able to enjoy life outside of work, through summer break, spring break, and holiday break.  The only catch, I don’t get paid for it!

We talked about the upcoming holidays, what days I was looking at and what he had planned.  I was offically invited on his holiday trip.  He, his girlfriend (I believe), and three other friends are heading down to south western (3 hours south of Perth) to do a five day stint of ocean kayaking.  It sounds like they are going to do some island hoping, and camping.

Did you know that country of Australia doesn’t allow development and commercialization of many of the most beautiful areas in their country?   I remember that last time I was in south western Australia.  I saw so many pretty views, yet I didn’t see a single hotel.  People are allowed to own land, but not build homes.  We said at one of his parents lots last time.  It was kind of cool.  I want to say that they had these semi permanent tents.  The hot water, for showers, came from heating a huge bag of water in the sun during the day.  I also remember these ferns that looked like they came out of the time of the dinosaurs.  They were HUGE, and shinny.

Back to the story. .  I was invited to go island hoping with sea kayaks, and have some bbqs with his family and friends.  I have been kayaking before, but never for a long period of time.  Nothing like the plans I heard on the phone.  He said that it will be fun, but it won’t be easy.  : )  I am always looking for new adventures.

I am going to keep a closer eye on the airfares now.  We are going to touch base again next week.

Alright.. .  time to get ready for work.  I get to spend a whole day at the office!  I am working my first 8 hour shift in 3 months.   I don’t know if my body can handle it!  If I don’t write tomorrow, or tonight. . work must have killed me! : )

Finding something that makes you happy is very important in life.  You should never let anyone take that away from you.

Playing ultimate is fun, it is relaxing, and I enjoy it.  Today I heard that Jen might be showing up to practice at the same fields I was going to be at.  When I learned this, the first thing that came to mind was “do I really want to go?”  It is not like there would be any problems, it is just kind off odd.  Eugene isn’t a very big town, so running into someone isn’t uncommon.  By asking that question, I took a step back in my progess towards becoming the new me.

This is the way I see it.  I need to do what is right for me, I need to live my life.  I can’t sit back and not do something because it might hurt, might be difficult, might be uncomfortable.  I have always planned for the future, but I forgot to live for the day.  I have been living each day to the fullest, I have been listening to my brain but following my heart.  And you know what, everyday has been good.  Today, a friend reminded me of this when I told them about my thoughts.  It takes a true friend to kick you in the rear sometimes; tell you how it is.  I am very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

I had recently heard that someone had passed away, and it got me thinking about things in my own life.  Jason’s dad, the friend I wrote about the other day,  was in great shape, biked 100 miles a day and worked out regularly.   One afternoon, he died while riding his bike.  He wasn’t very old, it was shocking for everyone in his family to hear.   Who is to say that it couldn’t be me?  (Not that I think about this type of stuff) But when you hear about it, it is only natural to reflect about these things in your life.

There are things I want to do before I pass away, “bucket list” items but there are other things that are just as important.  Doing something for yourself is very powerful (bucket list items), and I have had the privilege to experience some of it.  The other side of this coin is giving.  Giving all of yourself is just as powerful.  It is a fine line between trying to balance these two.  I have started to give to those around me, and it is a wonderful feeling. I know that I am giving everything in me, and because of it I have nothing to regret.  I am living each day to my fullest.   I feel better as a person, because my heart feels whole.  I spent several years of my life, not giving. . and not doing something for myself.  I am not going to make that mistake again.

I had lunch with a friend today that I hadn’t seen in a while.  He is a really good guy, a former neighbor of mine.  If I didn’t have Loren in my life. .  I could easily see him as a sudo dad.  He is a good listener, and takes me in as one of his own.  He said to me one once,  “at the end of the day it doesn’t matter how much you have or what you have.  Instead what really is important to him is how he is going to be remembered.”  I couldn’t agree more.  The new person I am trying to become believes this with all his heart.  It is not that I didn’t believe this before, it seemed like I lost my path for a few years.   He tries to be good to those around him, and accepts people for who they are.  We should all be that careing.  His kids are very lucky to have him in their life.

I was digging through my car this afternoon and I came across a CD I haven’t listened to in a very long time.  It was really weird to find this CD.  I used to really like the group, and as I started to listen to it again. .  I remember why.  The music has a good melody, and the lyrics are kind of fun to sing a long to.  I was surprised to see that I didn’t have this CD in my itunes collection, so I become kind of excited.  I got 12 ‘new’ songs and I didn’t need to buy them!  The little things that impress me. . .

It was kind of fun going back to work again, I was able to get a lot done.  People didn’t hover around me as much as they ussually do, I think this is a good thing?  I may have solved their issues, therefore they are leaving me alone.  Speaking of work, I get to give a presentation tomorrow.  There are a whole bunch of new internet policies this year, and the staff needs to get up to date with them.  It is hard to believe, but I am kind of excited to be going in front of the room to speak with the staff.

I was kind of lazy today and didn’t run, or bike.  I know, what is the world coming to?  Tomorrow I will double up.  I figure I will run in the morning, and go to ultimate practice in the afternoon.  Now, the weather should be better. . . so there might be some people to play with.  I’ll keep my fingers crossed.  I was going to have dinner with a friend and his girlfriend tomorrow night, but something came up.  I guess it is a good thing they have ultimate pickup just about every night! : )

I remembered that my moms birthday is approaching fast.  In September, what’s the worst day to have a birthday on?  Yeah, the 11th.  So, anywho. .  I was out shopping for ideas for her.  I think I am going to go simple and classic this year.  (Now, I can’t say what I am getting her. . can I?)  For all I know, the one time she reads my blog she will see her birthday gift written in black and white.

I should probably call the art gallery and Ashley Furniture tomorrow.  I kind of want to get that gap filled at my place, and it would be nice to have a table to eat dinner at!

As I glance outside it looks like there is another beautiful sunset tonight.  A deep orange, with reds on the horizon. . the high sky is this light baby blue.  Very pretty.  Hard to believe that in just a couple of months the rain will return.

Good night everyone.

Three words come to mind when I think about September 1 st:  Palaties, surprise, and bucket list.

Shall I explain these three?

The first word is simple to explain.  I heard it (palaties) this morning soon after I got up.  It isn’t a word you normally hear, and for some reason it stuck with me for the whole day.  Don’t ask, I’m just weird like that.

Okay, now to the other words.

We will start with bucket list.  No, I still haven’t seen it. . .  I’m a busy guy, what can I say.  I did something today that I have been meaning to do for the past 3 years.  One of my friends dad’s passed away 3 or so years ago.  I haven’t really kept in contact with him since high school, but I would still consider him a good friend.  We shared a lot of good memories together, and I spent a lot of hours over at his house.  His parents always had some of the best Halloween parties; Music, games, scavenger huts.  They set the bar pretty high, I doubt I could ever through a party like them.  They thought of everything.

Anywho, back to my story.   A few years ago, I saw in the paper that his dad passed away.  He was very young, and was very healthy.  It was a complete shock to his family.  I never read the obits, but for some reason I did that day.  It was a sign that I should reconnect with Jason (my friends name) but I never did.  I meant to send a card or do something, but I never did.  I was a bad friend.  I haven’t spoken to him in almost 10 years.

I was out on a little ride today, and I thought about his mom.  I knew I was close to their old house, so I decided to stop in.  I had no idea his mom still lived there, but I thought I would take a leap of faith.

It turned out that she did.  She didn’t recognize me at first, but once she did it was like old friends reuniting.  I broke down and cried the moment I stepped into her house.  I told her that I was sorry for her loss, and that I didn’t come by sooner to tell her.
We talked for a while, and I got her sons number.  I need to give him a call; I am hoping we can meet up later this week for lunch or something.  I was surprised to learn that his one daughter, and is expecting another child.  Who would have thought?

Now, the other word I am using for today is: surprise.  What was so surprising?  The fact that I didn’t figure something out sooner.

Everything I am going to write is purely speculation, but I feel pretty confident in my analysis.

I don’t write much about Jennifer, but I think I am going to today.  I may have mentioned in past posts about the night she returned from Montana.  She was a different person, something changed in her.  I wasn’t sure what happened, it was like she was coached or something.  I see now that my initial guess wasn’t correct, instead I think she found a support system.

This is the surprise.

Why didn’t I think of that sooner?  I figured she would reach out to her family, and friends, but I have a feeling she is reaching out to other people as well.  I am very happy for her.  I am happy that she has people to talk to, and lean on.   While she was in Montana I think she started form these relationships and bonds, and that explains the different person when she returned.
Again, I could be completely wrong. .  What do I know?

The rest of my day included other fun activities.  I went running over at Sheldon and ran into one of my old neighbors, it was a complete surprise.  I also did a little shopping at the mall.  I found this nice button down on the clearance rack that I had to buy.

Good night everyone.

I went to Ethan and Carol Ann’s church today.  I really enjoyed myself, I don’t know why I don’t go more often.  It probably has something to do with the fact that I forget.  It is really neat seeing your friends leading a large group of people through worship.  Whether they are playing the piano, guitar, singing, or leading in a prayer, they seem so composed.

It is impressive to see your friends in their element.  You get to see their charisma, leadership, and personality shine.  I spoke to Ethan’s mother today, and asked about what she thought about her son leading the church.  She said that she always knew that he had it in him, it just took a little while from him to believe it himself.  (or something like that)

Speaking of Ethan’s mom. .  The pastor requested that for communion today, everyone should sit with their family, and read this prayer they were handing out.  I, of course, was by myself.  This did not last for long, however.  Both of Ethan’s parents and his brother came over to where I was.  They sat with me and prayed.

This gesture was very powerful, I really appreciated it.  It brought me to tears, to tell you the truth.  They are very good people, and I am very lucky to have them in my life.  This gesture, and the letter I read this morning, setup an emotional day for me.

I have to admit, I don’t know much about religion but I do know I have faith.  I have faith in something better and bigger than anything I could ever imagine.  Having this makes life so much better.

My parents hosted a party today, all of Loren’s kids were there. . . as well as other family and friends from around the area.  It was a lot of fun seeing all of his kids.  They are fun to be around, and can tell some pretty good jokes.  I wish they lived a little bit closer, as I would have the opportunity to know them better.  Not to say that I don’t know them, I just wish I could spend more time with them.

One week from now, the fall ultimate season starts.  We usually have pickup games on Sunday nights; tonight that wasn’t the case.  I think the rain must have scared them away.  Or maybe they were out of town for the holiday.  I look forward to getting back on the field again.  Ultimate is a fun game, and a good release.  I can exert all my energy on game days.  I run hard, and play harder.  I think it shows on the field.  I am one of the few who sacrifice my body on every point.  It kind of stinks being hurt, people begin to expect a certain level of play, and I love to deliver.  I am not hurt at the moment, but not stretching enough for just one game can ruin a whole season.

I had a good phone converstaion with a friend this morning, we talked about the letter I recieved.  I am very lucky to have friends that are such good listeners.  They could hear the sadness in my voice, and said some really kind things to lift my spirits.  Thank you.

Okay, I had plans on going to Crater Lake today to bike the rim road.  Sadly, my bike doesn’t fit in the back of my car.  I have a bike rack, but no hitch for the car.  The back seats go down, but the pass through is an odd shape, so the rear tire doesn’t go through.  I could ride along with some of my friends, but they will not be getting home until really late.  Oh well . ..  maybe next time.

Another day in the books. . and another day of big smiles on my face.

Good morning everyone.

I usually try to write at night and not in the morning.  Today, I guess is a special day.   Or, maybe last night I was to lazy to write. : )

I had a bunch of friends over yesterday evening.  Most of them had seen my place, as they helped me move in. The only difference was that they hadn’t seen it furnished.  I think they were impressed with my collection of treasures and color combos.  I really think the place has a good feeling to it.  I want to thank everyone who helped me get it setup, with out their support, I’m sure my place wouldn’t look nearly as good.

Jen sent a box over to my place with one of my friends.  Most of the stuff in the box were books, save one thing.  A letter.  I was completly shocked to see who it was from, as I never expected a response.  I don’t think I need to share anything about this letter, who it was from or what it said.

What I can say is that the words written came to me as a complete surprise.  It was well written and made me cry.  To say that it was very touching would be an understatement.  It truly is amazing, when you open your heart powerthings happen.  When you are ready to listen, and see. .  you find answer in places you never expected.   I am learning so much each day, it is so wonderful.

I will try to post some photos from last nights events.  It is a little bit of a process to get them posted online.  Not as easy as I would like.

(Marky Mark, and myself)

(My sister, and her dog)

I think we had over 8 different types of wines last night.  It was pretty cool. I am still a fan of pinot gri, but trying other things was kind of fun.  I want personally thank all the people who came over last night, I really enjoyed myself.

This might be one of the shortest blog postings in recent history.  I need to get ready for the day, sorry.  I will write more later tonight.

Some days are hard to top, yesterday was one of those day.  Yesterday was incredible, awesome, amazing.  How can you beat that?   No matter what I did today, it wouldn’t compare to my day yesterday. When you lose sleep by over thinking about the plans you are making, you know the event will be good.  I guess, on the flip side, it could have been a complete failure.  I make all these big plans and it rains, or construction prevents me from enjoying my ideas.

Speaking of construction, there was plenty of it at the park.  I would have to say that half of the park was closed because of the work being done.  I was looking for green, but I couldn’t help seeing orange.

Alright, alright, onto today.

I felt like a puppet at work today.  I was being pulled in many different ways.  I laughed at it today.  I honestly laughed.  Instead of getting stressed out, I smiled and enjoyed the opportunity to make peoples lives a little better.

People can be so impatient with there computers.  They have a hard time waiting for things to load, or something is slow on bootup. If you just wait 5 minutes, usually things are quick again. It actually gets slower as you do more things while it loads. (FYI) . . . When they do have an honest issue, the problem is often fixed by simply restarting the machine.  That is probably 50% of my workload, simply restarting computers.  (Side note, I should just buy boxes that have big restart buttons, it would make my life easier)

There is a saying I often think of when people call me for help. Depending on the person, and how stressed out they are, I ask “is there a glitch between the computer and the chair?”  Most of people give me a little chuckle, those who don’t laugh I find don’t because I they don’t get the joke. Do you get it?

What I don’t understand is how all these computers stop working after a summer of not being used.  It puzzles me to no end.  How is this possible?  No one is using them, they should just work when you turn them on.  (At least if they were working when they were last turned off)  Maybe I should give some different advice when the beginning of summer roles around.  Instead of telling people to turn off their machines, I should say. . “leave them on.”  Might not be great for the environment, but might make my life easier. : )

It is kind of fun walking into the rooms when people are frustrated with their computer, it is like I am a celebrity.   They stop whatever they are doing and give me their complete attention.  Maybe I should wear a cape, and give myself a super hero name.  Something like. .  “The Computer Dork”

I also have nicknames around the building, depending on the person I hear various some of the things.  Some of my favorites include. .  Dr. Bob & Bob God.   Granted, with all this great power, comes a great responsibility.  I kind of need to fix the problem.  : )

Wouldn’t it be nice, just to walk into the room and then all the problems go away?  Actually, this does happen.  Seriously, sometimes it does.  People will call me to come down and watch something that isn’t working.  When I appear in the room, somehow, something magical happens.  It all works.   I think it has something to do with the fact that they are reading whatever they are clicking, instead of just clicking.

I was able to enjoy another warm afternoon.  I went on a nice long run, and sat in the sun for a while.

Oh, I even took a big step today.  I invited a couple of people from work over to checkout the new pad.  I don’t recall ever really spending time with work friends outside of work.  I go to the occasional holiday parties, but I think this is different.  This wasn’t a party, I was just spent time with my colleagues outside of work.  You really do learn allot about the person when they are not in the work environment.

I am very proud of my new life, and I want to share it with people.  I don’t know if I ever really felt that way before.  It was like my old life wasn’t mine, it wasn’t who I was deep down inside.   Anywho. .  I plan on doing a work party thing at my place once the year kicks off.  Who knows how many people I will be able to fit into my place; I will try to pack it full.

I often hear from various staff members that they don’t like going to social things with people from work.  I guess there is a little bad blood, or they just don’t know people on the staff.  I suppose I can understand their perspective.  I, on the other hand, get to know the whole staff, not just those limited to my department.

It is odd hearing some of the things people say about other people.  I don’t get understand it half the time.  I consider most of the people I work with my friends, I know them all pretty well.  I know their spouses name, their kids names (sometimes I even know their kids), and even some of their likes and dislikes.   I guess I get to know people, as I spend time with them.  What I find the most surprising is that people have various feelings towards our administration (our bosses).

Maybe I am looking at this wrong, but I don’t see them as my boss. . more as equals.  They have to make decision that impact the staff, they have to say no, they have to do things that people don’t like.  I have the same job, just in a different capacity.  I might not agree with some of the things they do, but I understand where they are coming from.  Not all decisions are the best ones; sometimes the tough choice is the only choice.

If I told people that I am inviting admin’s to my open house, I doubt anyone would show! : ) Funny, yet sad at the same time.

Side note: I have recommended that book I recently finished to so many people now, that the author should be paying me royalties.

I am looking at my latest article and I find that it is super long again.  Where does it come from?  When I need to write term papers I struggle at times to find the words to express my thoughts, yet with this. . they just flow like wine.

Oh, off topic. (again) I was once told that one of my papers was very well written.  They said that reading my paper was like reading a short story. Yet I only got a “B-”. .  You want to know the reason?  They said that I spoke eloquently in the paper, but this is business class not a lit class.   I need to write to the point; I need to write more concisely.  I have followed those instructions ever since. . I have to admit, writing from the heart is a whole lot more fun.

Well, another day done. .  Have a good night, and I will talk to you all tomorrow.

Another sunny day in the books.

I just don’t know why I had such a hard time sleeping last night.  I was up almost every hour.  It was rough, I am pretty tired right now. .  it is only 8:20 at night.

I saw another spectacular sunrise this morning.  I took some photos, if they turned out. . I will post them for you to see.  The moon looked like a tight lipped smile, and the orange coming over the mountains (or hills as they call them here) was awesome.  One of the few nice things about waking up early. .  you get to seem some nice sunrise.  I don’t know the last time I saw a sunrise before all this crap happened in my life.  In some ways watching the sun come up is very powerful.

It represents the start of a new day, a beginning.  Unlike a sunset. . the sunrise is a symbol of hope.  I have a lot of hope in my life, it is fitting that I see my thoughts in nature.

(others were blurry)

Work was relativity slow today.  Most of the staff was at some district function, so they weren’t around the building.  Again, I too was invited to this all day event.  A man can only doodle for so many hours.  I am kind of exhausted all of those doodles yesterday.

I went to Armitage Park this evening.  I have never really spent anytime there before.  It is kind of a pretty park, very big.  The McKenzie river is so much nicer than the Willamette.

To say I had a wonderful time at the park would be an understatement.  I was relaxing, fun, peaceful, and exciting.  I brought dinner out with me, and enjoyed a nice meal next to the river.  So you might think that this is kind of lonely. .  it wasn’t.  I had the time of my life, I don’t know if I will ever forget this evening.  I did something new, something I have never tried before and I will forever remember it.   I usually don’t eat outside, shoot. . I don’t remember the last time I had a picnic.  Maybe this is why I had a hard time sleeping last night.  I figured that this was what I was going to do last night before I went to bed.  I guess I was really excited.

I think you know what I mean, right?  Like the first time you step foot on the top of a skyscraper, or ride that wild roller coaster; doing something new is very memorable.

I went on a bike ride today, it wasn’t all that memorable.  Dinner at the park was.

Oh, I was invited to go on a bike ride around crater lake Sept 1 with my friend Josh. .  I just don’t know.  I guess I should go. . it would push me out of my place, and it is a ride I have never done.  I hope he has a car that can take bikes.  I better call him and make sure that he is still going. .  He said at one point that he wasn’t. .  hum. .  I guess this will be a call I make after I finish this blog.

No drama in this blog. . today was a great day. : )  No bad news is good news, right?

I now have internet at my place, I no longer have to go to the 4th floor patio to write! : )

Have a good evening everyone.

I finished that book I started the other day, “Jeremy Fink and the meaning of Life.”  If it is possible to fall in love with a book, I managed to do it.  I had a feeling I was going to cry at some point in the book, I just didn’t know when.  It didn’t take to long, maybe 100 pages.  At the end of the book, tears came down my face like my eyes were leaky facets.  I cried so hard, over a book!  How would have ever thought that something, like words, could touch the heart like this book did.  If you haven’t read this book it should be on your short list.

I now know the meaning of life! : )  Or something close to it.

Besides crying my head off last night as I finished the book, I haven’t done much.

I was super busy at work today.  With all the teachers returning from their summer break, I was the popular one again.  Most of the day was wrapped up in an all day meeting, so I was safe from having to actually work.  I did get plenty of opportunities to talk the talk.  There was literally a line of people waiting to speak to me at our break today.  I enjoy talking to people, but sometimes it is a little much.

Most of the meeting today was pretty boring, to tell you the truth.  I brought my ipod, a pen and some paper and made my own fun.  Being that I am in IT and I work for a school district, most of the lectures and information being shared revolved around kids and state guidelines.  Not a whole lot of computer talk.  Shoot, they even had votes about things, but I wasn’t allowed to participate.  Again, fine and dandy. . I was in my own little world.

What did I draw, or doddle today?  I managed to make a pretty cool S, a sweet looking K, and a fun E.  When I get bored, I sometimes like to draw letters of the alphabet.  (On a side note, I have tried but failed every time to make a sweet z, and x.) I have worked the letter B over so many times, it isn’t even funny.  S has always been my favorite; as it just rolls off the pen onto the paper.  I have tried to make the letter C cool, but have always failed in my attempts.

As I was working on my collection of cool letters, I also rocked out to some classic music.  What better way to waste the morning, right?  I could be at the office actually working, but instead I was told that this meeting which was mandatory.   No complaints, I got a free breakfast, lunch and snacks.

To say that I didn’t participate in the activities would be a lie.  I played the various games, and took part in the group projects.  I listened to the speakers, and I even took a few notes (I wrote down various big words people would say).   I even wore this funny wig for part of the morning.  I will see if I can get the photo off of my phone and put it online for you to see. I think I look kind of European.  What do you think?

(I am trying to do Bluesteel from Zoolander in the bottom photo. )

Okay, this look (and the hair) isn’t for me. . but at the time it was funny.

When I finally did get back to the office, I did a little work. . but took off to go find a clock for my new place.  It looks pretty cool.

My mother finally made it over to my place.  She was impressed with the color and décor, I guess that kind of made me happy.  She was very positive, and supportive. .

I had some good conversations with my friends today.  They always seem to impress me with some of the things they say; they are truly amazing.

I guess I will sign off for the night.  It is getting kind of late, and I need to munch on something before I go to sleep.  Have a good night everyone, and I will talk to you again tomorrow.

Okay. . another day in the books.

Today was another wonderful day.  This evening really topped off an already incredible day.
I wish I could tell you about my afternoon, and why it was so good.  I really don’t know. Maybe it was because I had fun at work today or I had good conversations with my peers at the office, or on the phone with friends.  Whatever happened this afternoon was wonderful.

Now, you might ask. . why was my evening so good?  Especially when my nights are usually so tough.  I suppose I can tell you.  Why not, right?  Okay, the way to a man’s heart is through the food that he eats, or so I am told.  Basically, I had this super awesome dinner.   My dinner included the following: A fish free sushi, bread, green beans with feta cheese, tri tip steak, and a nice glass of wine.  Dude, lets just say it rocked.  I think I also hit the background music correct too.  The atmosphere was nice, very mellow.  I had the windows open, and let my mind and soul go free.  I even got to see true beauty this evening.  (There was just something in the air I guess.)  The clouds, the breeze, the birds, the rolling hills I get to see from my patio all added to the evening.  I opened my eyes this evening and I could see that things around me were good.  Maybe I just drank to much wine! : )  No I didn’t, but it sound funny. . right?

I am almost finished with that book I bought yesterday.  I spent a fair amount of time reading last night, this morning, and this afternoon.  I had the paper in my hands this morning, but I put it down for this story.  I didn’t get any further than the front page, as I can’t pull myself away from this book.  I can relate to the lead character, and the journey he is going on.

I’m sure reading about the drama in my life is more fun than reading about the good things that are going on, right?  I am sorry to disappoint you.  My soap opera is going through a good spell, act one I suppose.  I wish I could share everything that is going on, but I just can’t.  I can’t tell you about all the bad things or about all the good things.  As much as I want to, I can’t.  As I have said before, if I share it. . . it no longer becomes mine.  I need some personal things.

Yeah, more stuff is happening in my life than what I write about.  When I am ready to write things, I do. . but sometimes it takes me a little time to get to that point.

I noticed to day that the Eagles are starting another tour around the US.  As of right now, they have dates scheduled for September.  None of the locations are on the west coast; I can only keep my fingers crossed for future dates.  Like a fish needs the water, I need to see these guys play.  I guess this would be another item on my bucket list.  Speaking of which, I have a few more items added to it.  I still haven’t gotten around to watching it. .  I really need to.   Sometime.  Before they start calling me to tell me I need to return it.

My parents still haven’t seen my place, isn’t that kind of odd?  I have tried inviting them over, but it seems like we are never able to connect.  Either I am at work, or they are at work.  One of these days.  At the same time, I don’t have the whole place furnished yet. . so, until then I don’t mind too much.

I need to give her a call.  I suppose I will do that once I post this article.  I have some stuff I need to tell her.  I thought I told her these things, but after my session (w/ shrink) I realized that I never really did.  I kind of just bounced around it, but never specifically said what I needed to say.

Alright, I guess I will sign off for the night.  Thank you for reading my blog, as well as caring for / about me.   I will write more tomorrow.

Back to work today.  Yeah, back to a full day of work.  To say that I was a very popular guy would be an understatement.  I was being pulled four different directions the whole day.  I find that as I walked down the halls people would see me and start asking questions.  Since I am no longer moving, I am an easy target for other people to approach me.  So, next thing I know. . there is a line of people waiting to talk to me.  It is kind of flattering, but at after a while it does get kind of old.  The secret is to walk down the less populated halls, and to move quickly.  Keep your head down, and look like you are on a mission.  This technique works well during the year, however, when class isn’t in session it is harder to pull off.

I think five separate individuals told me to day that I seemed happier.  They said that it was like a weight was off my shoulder, and I had a bounce in my step.  I don’t know about all this, but I do feel better at work.  I am enjoying my time there again, it has been a long time coming.   They ask me what happened over the summer, and I really don’t feel like telling them.  I mean, really?  What good is it going to do?  A few friends at work know about my life, but aside from them. .  I don’t know if everyone else needs to know.

I picked up a new book this evening. It is called “Jeremy Fink and the meaning of life.”  I have heard some good reviews, so I will keep you posted when I finish it.  Yeah, it is a children’s book. . but that is besides the point.  There is meaning in words, the audience it is written for doesn’t necessarily mean anything.  Take Harry Potter for example.
Since I have had so much time to think and reflect, I haven’t only been thinking about my personal life. I have spent a little time thinking about my professional one as well.

I have been looking for the answer to the age-old question, what do I want to do when I grow up?  I think I might be honing in the answer.  I know that I have always wanted to do something where my computer skills would be an asset to the job, not the job exclusively.  Meaning, I would use technology and computers to assist me and give me an extra strengths in some field.  I also have a strong entrepreneurial desire, where I like being the boss and working hard for myself.  I am intrinsically motivated, and I am a hard worker. I have looked for a job, where these two strengths could really come together.

I was talking to a friend the other day, and I told them a little bit of one of my ideas.  Know, if you don’t know me. .  I have a new business idea, it seems, almost every day.  Some are funny, and would never make the cut. . Others have potential but would require a great amount of startup capital.   Finding an idea where I can explore it while still holding a full time or part time job would be ideal.  I think I might have found this job.  Finally, after I don’t know how many years, I think I might be on the right track.

I need to develop the idea further, but I think it has a very good potential.  Every person I have since told it to has been very impressed.  Even my biggest critiques are onboard.

Now, I would love to share this business idea with you, but I can’t.  Yeah, I withholding again.  I can tell you that I haven’t meet anyone who is doing it, and I know that there is a demand for it in the industry.  I would like to focus on small and medium sized businesses, or the smaller fish (if you will).  My services wouldn’t be a niche product, however, working only with smaller companies will give me a big advantage for future clients if I am successful.  I suppose I can also tell you it involves these various skills, computer, marketing, management, and statistical skills.

My goal is to have a business plan developed by the holidays.  Once I have a chance to really dig into this concept I will share it with you.  You will probably know more about it than you would otherwise like.

I went on a shorter bike ride today, 16 miles. : )  And I ran into something cool.  This deer ran out right in front of me.   Okay, maybe 100 feet. . but it is still pretty damn close.  I had my camera, but by the time I got it out. . it had already started up the hill.  I have attached a photo for you to see.  I guess that was one of the amazing things that happened to me today.

I wish I could tell you more.  I am looking at some really pretty clouds right now.  They are dark blue, orange, and red.  You know, nature is really beautiful.  We are always in such a hurry we seem to miss it.  People are pretty wonderful too.  They can lift your spirits and make you feel really special.  Life is good.  I hope it is for you.

Have a good night, and I will talk to you again tomorrow.

I read this today, and I really liked it.  It touched my heart.

 ————–

What is Success?

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson